cat’s niece & bee’s whiskey

DIFFICULTY: OOOH, THAT’S GONNA HURT

intro … A twenty-seven-year-old old man crossing the street is hit by a bus. He miraculously survives and is being treated for serious injuries in the hospital. The question is: does a guy like that even deserve to live on? Another (related) question is: how stupid do you have to be to step out in front of a bus?

Apparently, if your first name is Dwayne, you’re the kind of person who tends to overlook insignificant details such as a big bus heading your way. According to media reports, Dwayne Pafko is famous in his community for an almost complete lack of brains. Most of those who know him were hardly surprised to hear of the incident, calling it just another in a long series of Pafko’s screw-ups.

lucky to be alive

“There he was, just walkin’ out into the middle of the road like a goddamned idiot, when _____ this huge-ass bus _____ and… blammo.” said eyewitness Mario Loyola, smacking his fist into his palm to illustrate his account of the accident. “I was all like, ‘Hey, dumbass, watch where you’re going. What are you trying to do, _____?’ But he just looked at me like some sap, and _____, this big freakin’ bus barrels down on him like _____, and then it’s too late.” “Big ol’ bus,” added Loyola, outstretching his arms as far as he can to indicate the vehicle’s enormous size.

account … popis (akce)
barrel … ?ítit se
clueless … úpln? blbý/mimo
considering … vzhledem k tomu, že
dim bulb … nikterak inteligentní ?lov?k
dumbass … hlupák
eyewitness … o?itý sv?dek
freaking … zatracený (slabší verze ‘fucking’)
fucked-up … rozmrdaný, rozbitý
cream sb … nandat to n?komu
hit sb full-on … trefit nap?ímo/naplno
huge-ass … obrovitánský
like a ton of bricks … šílenou silou
moron … debil
plow into sb … narvat to do n?koho
restock a cooler … doplnit obsah chladícího boxu
sap … pitomec, moula
smack one’s fist into one’s palm … praštit se p?stí do dlan?
smack the holy living shit out of sb … n?koho strašliv? praštit
smack-dab in the middle … p?ímo uprost?ed
stroll … procházet se (pomalu a klidn?)

Sources reported that Pafko, who recently lost his job at Grainger’s Gas ‘N’ Snack _____ to restock the beverage cooler, was _____ by the huge-ass bus, which smacked the holy living shit out of him and sent him flying maybe, like, say, a good 10, 20 feet or so.

_____ police who arrived on the scene, Pafko is lucky to be alive. “I couldn’t believe it,” Sgt. Jean Christensen said. “When the call came in saying that some moron had just strolled out in front of an oncoming bus, my partner and I _____, ‘Come on, what is this, a joke?’ But when we got there, _____, there he was, just lying there face-flat on the asphalt, right smack-dab in the middle of the damn road. It just didn’t seem possible that anyone could be _____, but, apparently, this guy was one dim bulb.”

Pafko was rushed to Harrisburg Lutheran Hospital, where doctors describe his condition as “pretty fucked-up.” Doctors, however, say his prognosis is actually halfway decent, which _____ surprise to many, _____ that a goddamn bus just plowed into him.