Get The Machete! (4) The Snake

So I come Christmas morning and there's a box under the tree for me. I open it up and it's a python, which is a snake. I look at my dad and I'm like, I don't know what you got me for Christmas but at some during the night a snake got in here and ate it. And my dad's like, That's the snake you always wanted! And I'm like, This is probably because we have the same name, you have us again.

Dad puts the snake on the carpet and here is snakes make decisions: I'm full of urine, I'd like to be empty, I'm going to pee right now right here. So that's what the snake does, it pees all the carpet. Now comes some quick thinking on my dad's part—he the snake and rubs its nose in it.

Looking back, I think he was trying to the snake a lesson, which is not something you can do. Snakes are of learning. They make decisions on temperature. Also, they're not big on psychology or personal growth. They just want to be alone. What it did achieve, though, was that it made the snake . Boy, was that animal mad.

After a while Dad the snake has learned its lesson. He puts it down and starts cleaning the urine. We all watch the snake, which is royally pissed off, tracking Dad's hand and we all know what's gonna happen next, is why we say—nothing.