HOW TO BREAK UP IN TWO MINUTES, p1

Mike, do you have a minute? We need to talk. --
Ok, here goes. This is kind of hard for me to say. -- Uh oh.
Thing is, I have realized I'd rather be on my own. -- Oh. Wow.
Yes, I think I'll be better off that way. -- What
I'm just not happy with the way things have been, you know. -- Why
I don't know. It's just not working out anymore, the two of us. --
Do you even understand what I'm saying here? --
Would you like me to explain it to you? --
So just to be absolutely sure, you really want to know how I feel? -- Absolutely.
So first off, my friends are all very supportive of me. --
They all say you don't treat me the way you should. -- Oh please.
Like, you hardly ever take me out to dinner anymore. -- Poor you.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is... --
All right. I'll try. -- I'm listening.